Do aliens drink coffee? We’re pretty sure aliens like coffee. It’s the most awesome hot beverage in the galaxy, so why wouldn’t they like it? And we believe extra-terrestrials are visiting Earth to trade for it.
As I’ve written previously, all those UFOs people keep seeing are aliens looking for coffee, and I have scientific proof! Consider the following syllogism based on known facts:
- Coffee is the most awesome beverage in the galaxy.
- All intelligent beings love coffee.
- Alien visitors to Earth will also be highly intelligent, considering their ability to build spaceships to get here.
- Earth is the only planet that has coffee.
- Logical conclusion: UFOs are aliens looking for coffee.
The first 2 points are simple facts that any rational person will recognize. The 3rd point is a pretty safe deduction. It’s perfectly reasonable to assume that, if UFOs are visitors from another planet, they are going to be highly advanced beings. The 4th point is, likewise, a safe deduction to make. We aren’t aware of any other planets capable of growing coffee, after all.
Considering all these facts together, the chain of logic is irrefutable and therefore the conclusion we arrive at is unavoidable. UFOs must be aliens looking for coffee. It’s only logical!
I challenge anyone to refute the soundness of this logic. We all know coffee is the most popular drink in the world, for good reason. It’s awesome. All smart people know this. And any alien capable of travelling to Earth is also going to be highly intelligent. Therefore, they must be here for the coffee.
Aliens like coffee – all smart people know this
The good news is we can be pretty confident that their intentions aren’t hostile, but peaceful. How can we be so sure? Well, it’s simple. I’ve blogged about this previously, but to put it simply, planetary invasions can get pretty expensive. It cost the western alliance 4 trillion dollars just to invade Iraq, a small country on our own planet just a few thousand miles away. If it costs that much just to invade a country a short distance away, think how much an inter-planetary war would cost!
Buying coffee is cheaper than inter-planetary invasions
It would be much cheaper to simply purchase the coffee from us. If I can do the math, I’m pretty sure an intelligent visitor from space can also do the math. They’re not stupid. Also, they wouldn’t want to risk ruining the Earth’s climate, which is perfect for growing coffee. Inter-planetary war is sure to wreak havoc on the environment, to say the least, which would put the world’s coffee harvest at risk. No intelligent being would want to take that chance.
So we can all relax, order another latte and get back to solving our Wordle puzzle for the day. The aliens aren’t here to start a war. They’re probably just down at the local shopping centre disguised as people buying coffee.
They’re only here to buy coffee
My “Aliens and Latte” sci-fi series is about just that. Peaceful aliens who come to Earth to buy coffee, and Jack Winters who accidently discovers who they really are. And then there’s Donna, Jack’s girlfriend who travels into space with them and learns how to fly a spaceship. She can’t back up her Prius without using driver-assist, but she discovers a latent talent for flying spaceships with a stick-shift.
Galactic coffee smugglers are coming to Earth…
The series is a genre-bending mashup of hardboiled detective and pulpy science fiction, with some nasty alien bounty hunters thrown in. Jack Winters is a down to earth, tough as nails detective determined to bring the bad guys to justice – and he doesn’t care what planet they happen to be from. Bad guys are still bad guys as far as Jack is concerned, no matter how many heads they might have.
Aliens, Spaceships and the Occasional Latte is the first book in the series, in which hardboiled detective Jack Winters meets the aliens for the first time.
Before long he’s travelling in space with the quirky, off-beat band of alien smugglers, fighting for his life against galactic bounty-hunters. A fun romp through space with an eccentric band of galactic coffee smugglers.
Coffee To Go, With a Spaceship is the second book in the series. The evil alien bounty hunters are back, and furious with Jack. Bent on revenge, they kidnap Johnnie and disappear into uncharted space.
Desperate to rescue his son, Jack enlists the help of Montclair, a strange little elf from another world he’d only just met that morning. But he’s the only person Jack knows with a spaceship. Jack’s daring girlfriend Donna accompanies them and together the trio give chase across the galaxy.
Along the way Donna discovers a hidden talent for stick-handling spaceships and navigating through space. They track the alien kidnappers to a desolate slave-world where they are forced into a desperate fight on a remote planet to save Johnnie.